Baby Crazy

I love babies. I have yet to meet a baby that I didn’t like. I love the way they look and smell. I love their baby soft hair and inquisitive eyes. I love their chubby little hands and fat little cheeks. I love making them smile and chortle, or squeal like pigs. I love how their eyes get round and their mouths drop open when they see something that fascinates them. I love how they reach for you. I just love babies.

Children, I am on the fence about. I used to teach Sunday School to third and fourth graders. I loved my class. I loved seeing their excitement when they learned something new, their eagerness to raise their hands and attempt to answer any question. I love how they soaked in everything I said like little sponges. Beyond that age, though, it gets a little rough.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, I’ve been positively inundated with babies to snuggle and cuddle and love lately. They have been everywhere. I couldn’t be happier to steal a little baby time. However, when it comes to little people of my own, I’m horribly split…and afraid of being the childless aunt.

On my dad’s side of the family, there is one woman in each generation who never has children. I know that one of them, my aunt, could not have children–something with her ovaries; cysts, I think. I’m not sure if my great-aunt was childless by choice or biology. My aunt adopted a child.

I can hear my biological clock a little bit, but I’m not sure if I want children. They are a BIG commitment. Of course, as I don’t have a husband and am a virgin, that’s a moot point at the moment. But I am twenty-five with a small family history of fertility issues. I wonder if I’ll even be able to have kids if I decide that I want them. What if my eggs are no good?

I don’t know how I feel about children. I mean, I do know that I love them, and teaching was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I know there doesn’t exist a baby or child I wouldn’t want to see smiling and happy. But what about my womb, my home? Are they hospitable to children? Are there children in my future?

The verdict is still out.

So, if you see me snuggling and cuddling a warm, wriggly little body, I’m not (necessarily) craving one of my own. A woman has a right to seek a little unconditional love where she can find it, doesn’t she?

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2 Responses to Baby Crazy

  1. Catherine says:

    I know how you feel. I’m not particularly good with babies or children. But somehow, I really want kids. Although I don’t know why exactly. Just always have. I also worry that when I’m ready, I won’t be able to. I’m not sure why I expect the worst? I need to start thinking more positive, and you too!

  2. 2blu2btru says:

    Yes, we do need to start thinking more positive! I wonder what it is about children that has me so conflicted. It’s one of the few things I can’t seem to decide on, and the clock is ticking, lol. I’m sure it will work out for both of us.

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