I have reached about my limit on marriage–discussions of it, hearing that others are getting married, contemplating it, watching people choose dresses and curse out caterers–all of it. This is particularly bad because on my other blog, I’ve made it a point to be a champion of the great institution that has taken such a beating lately.
But every time I think about weddings and marriages now, I’m a little depressed. The more engagements I hear about or wedding photos I see, the more depressed I get. I honestly think if one more person hints when am I getting married or tells me my time is coming, I just may burst into tears.
What happened to me? I used to think of marriage as being a beautiful thing, mirroring Christ’s relationship to His church, giving you a life partner to help you through all of life’s difficulties. But it seems I manage to grow attached to people who put everything before getting married. Love (and marriage) is, Sheryl Crowe sings, “on your list of things to do.” It’s more of a natural progression than something they’ve made a goal and eagerly anticipate.
I’ve never really imagined myself married. I would love to be married, but I never had a groom or dress picked out, never had wedding colors or bridesmaids. I never built up an real anticipation for the day, because it might never happen; I may always be single. It seemed likely I always would, since I wasn’t asked out on dates much (it gets around that you don’t put out pretty quickly).
But then there came MensHealth and all that changed. From the beginning, he seemed on a campaign to make me believe he was the one, and more importantly, that he wanted to be the one. But now, not so much. Now, he can’t possibly think about getting married with all he has to deal with financially and career wise. He doesn’t know where he even wants to live long-term. He doesn’t even know if he ever wants to be married. And he’s sick and tired of people asking him when we’re going to get married.
I used to have an objective joy of all things wedding and marriage. I could be happy for people. I enjoyed seeing people take part in this timeless ritual of joining themselves together. I’ve always been a firm believer in happily ever after. Now…I can’t be objective about it at all. I see people getting married and think, that’s never going to be me; why is that? What have I done to not be that girl?
So I put my quest to defend marriage on hold. I don’t want to talk to any more happily married couples about how to make marriages work. I don’t want to watch people find the perfect dress for their big day. I don’t want to watch crazy, jealous, manipulative brow beating women who don’t deserve a man berate caterers and florists and limousine companies in order to create the perfect day for their wedding. I’d rather watch the Closer or Dexter.
- Why Married Men Are Less Antisocial (healthland.time.com)
- Why married men tend to behave better (scienceblog.com)
- Marriage Makes for Mellow Men: Study (cbsnews.com)
- The State Of Our Unions: New Study Reports Keys For Solid Marriages (huffingtonpost.com)