Yesterday, MensHealth and I had a disagreement. Or, we would have had a disagreement if I’d actually responded. So I guess he stated an opinion and I…didn’t answer. Yeah, that about sums it up.
I do this A LOT. Not as much as I used to. But there is a reason. A valid reason. There has to be, right? I’m never quiet any other time (seriously, not any.other.time). So what’s the reason? I’m working on that swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry thing. So far, it’s not working out so well. I mean, I am slow(er) to speak, but just because I didn’t say anything right away doesn’t mean I’m any more or less in control of my feelings, if that makes since. If I say something now or Thursday, it really only gives me more time to feel what I’m feeling, not to correct it or change it. Truth be told, I was offended/hurt yesterday, and today, over 24 later, I’m still offended/hurt.
None of this negates me thinking critically about it, however. It doesn’t negate me agreeing with parts of it, or all of it, depending on the issue. It’s one thing to acknowledge someone has a point; it’s another to agree with the point. In my world, it’s yet another thing to both agree and accept the point, to actually address the point (if need be).
In the interest of time (and not getting all mixed emotions crazy town again), let’s just say the disagreement, in my head, is a miscommunication error. It’s funny how I can write things as clearly as I want, but saying things is still a bit tricky. (Also tricky: I don’t “know” my right from my left…I always have to think about it, and nine times out of ten, I may still tell you to go left when you should go right. Always double check my directions by pointing in the direction I say and going “this way?” Thanks :D…oh, and this DOES have something to do with the argument; I can neither confirm or deny what exactly) Consequently, what I mean to convey is not always what you may get from what I actually end up saying. The thing is, I know exactly what I meant to say, and it’s a bit…disconcerting when people say that what I said was “wrong”. I’d agree with inaccurate or not detailed enough, maybe, but not “wrong.” It’s right, you just didn’t get it, which isn’t entirely your issue, but still…not wrong.
That sounds like I just said nothing, doesn’t it? You’re right. Here’s the thing; I’ve struggled most of my life to be three things (in life, not on paper): 1. heard 2. understood 3. given my due (credit, acknowledgement, whatever). People will rewrite history and conveniently not remember to keep from granting me these. So I can be a bit more aggressive than other people when it comes to defending my opinion, both my right to have one and the rightness thereof. I don’t always have to be right (ha!), but I refuse to be wrong when what really happened is I was misunderstood. Hey, I’m working on me, right?
Through the past 3 1/2 years, I’ve been called out on a lot of things by MensHealth. In my own time, I’ve thought them over and addressed what I felt needed to be addressed. Most I put down to more of the same, miscommunication and not understanding one another. I mean, he has a penis; if that’s not an obstruction to us understanding one another, I don’t know what is. We view things differently, sometimes drastically so. I’m an optimist, a seventy times seven forgiver (most days), I get upset easily and the mood blows over just as fast. I wear my emotions all over my face and body. I’m as sweet as can be. I’m a Monica Miss Thang type of girl, especially that whole “but I know when I’m right I’m right, when I’m wrong as I can be.” I’m working on it, though.
As for the “disagreement,” I’m still not clear on how I want to respond yet (clearly). My days of rash talking are mostly behind me. When I have my emotions in hand enough to be logical, and think it over, who knows what side of the debate I’ll fall down on? In the meantime, I’m working my communication steps, praying, and allowing Insanity (the workout) to kick my butt before eating every carb not nailed down to the floor, wearing my sweats and watching movies/TV…just me and PMS.
What about you? How do you work out communication failures? What’s your approach to disagreements? Do you have the same fights or different ones? Can you agree to disagree without someone still simmering a little bit? Words of encouragement and prayer will be accepted.
- Miscommunication and its Essentials (ganthanmanthan.wordpress.com)
- Avoid These Five Deadly Communication Sins (brighthub.com)
- Who is to blame for miscommunication? (globalizen.wordpress.com)
- The Language of Love: How Miscommunication Leads to Complication (bossip.com)