I’ve been thoroughly knocked off track recently. I needed a new tire, at a time when I’m already behind on bills. There’s so much going on that I can’t seem to get back to an even keel. Not having my car derailed my workouts @ the gym and on the trail, and the thought of having to shell out money I didn’t have for yet another tire depressed me.
I’m usually an optimistic person, but with setback after setback, my spirits are flagging a bit. It makes me wonder if it will always be one step forward, two steps back all of my single days. It seems as if I’ll always be struggling by myself, especially trying to fit in a boyfriend, pursue my passions, and pay my bills all at the same time, while working out, eating well, & growing spiritually. A boyfriend just isn’t the same as a husband. We aren’t really “in it together”; he has his own problems at his own home to deal with. We both have to keep our own boats afloat, and we neither of us can fault the other for it. It’s not our boat, but his & mine. It sucks to be solely responsible and be flailing around uselessly while the whole thing tanks, you know? It makes you think “who would take me on? I can’t even do for myself sufficiently.” I would like to be am asset.
You know what they say, those who can’t do, teach. The marriage book is going well, speaking of “teaching.” I’m researching and writing a chapter on “submission”, which is a real learning experience for me. You know how you think you know what something means or is, then you find out there’s more to it than what you thought you knew? Yeah, that’s what I am experiencing with this book. I think a lot of people will see what I mean once the book is published.
While other areas of life are out of whack of falling apart, writing is good well. I think I’ve found the tone of the book and figured out how I want to use interview quotes, scriptures and quotes from my research. I finally have my central argument and I know what I want to say. Now I’m praying for the right words to say what I want, and opportunities to sit at the feet of even more wise, lomg-married couples to gather even more insight.
Other than that, I’m looking for my moment to turn my passion into my profession. =)