Pre-Engagement Counseling


Here I am! MensHealth and I at O.C. White’s in St. Augustine


Sidenote: Can I just state that I am not a fan of the term “engagement”? Shouldn’t you be “engaged” in the relationship before you plan to get married? But I digress…

When I last wrote we were going to start what I will term “pre-engagement counseling”. Then we had a great weekend in St. Augustine, after which we had a HORRIBLE weekend on the west side (which is a story for another time). At the start of that horrible weekend, we had our first session of pre-engagement counseling with the minister of our church.

I’m not sure exactly how well MensHealth described what we were doing before this first meeting (he didn’t have my handy new term to use), but he was able to explain it to him after a fashion when we finally met up with him. The first meeting was getting a preliminary reading of us, going over in general some areas he would like to discuss, and telling us the timetable. And that timetable? We will be meeting with him weekly for the rest of the year.

Yesterday was our second session. In that session, we talked about “How 2 become 1.” During this discussion we were given our first homework assignment. This two fold homework assignment entails the following: 1) sit down and write out all of your undesirable/negative personality traits/characteristics. 2) Write down the other person’s undesirable/negative personality traits/characteristics. We cannot share these with each other until we have completed both lists.

The thing is, I am MUCH more able to list out one list than the other. The attributes just kept popping up into my head. It was so easy to think back and pick out this flaw and that flaw. It’s not that there aren’t good qualities, but the bad were so easy to identify. If I tried to populate the other list, I’d just think of something else for this first list. The list I’m referring to, of course, is the list of MY undesirable attributes.

I don’t know if this is because I’m just very aware of myself in general, I am hypersensitive to my imperfections, or I’m just not thinking hard enough to populate that other list, but my side has been easier. I don’t know if that’s common or natural, but that is my truth. Even before we were given the assignment, as we were discussing negative traits in general, different things about me that could be termed undesirable were popping into my headI think quite a bit of this has to do with my family. They have never hesitated in telling me what flaws or shortcomings they see in me. I don’t mean my mom; she will tell me when I’m wrong, but she doesn’t pick me apart. I mean those other family members. Consequently, one of my “undesirables” is hypersensitivity to criticism about my weight/looks. I mean, you’ve read my Fat Girl Manifesto, right? It’s all there.

It’s no wonder, then, that this assignment is a big INEBIGTDIA thing for me. Aside from the obvious reason above, I never start with the negative. I’m an optimist by nature. I can probably talk myself out of writing down every negative trait that I see in MensHealth. I can label it as something we can work on, and it is, but only if we bring it out and talk about it.

Once we’ve shared our lists, I’ll share my list of my undesirables. I won’t be sharing my list for him or his for himself. I’m still on the fence about his list for me. I guess it depends on what it says. Either way, I think this one is going to hurt. INEBIGTDIA…I’ll keep saying it until I get through it.

Do you know your list of undesirable/negative personality traits?



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One Response to Pre-Engagement Counseling

  1. Pingback: Undesired | merlinspielen

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