Calling Shenanigans on Old Maid-dom

I am in the Valley of Decisions, and I am trying to fear no evil. I’m not merely talking about the Real Decision 2012, but also about many, many other things. I am weighing whether or not to return to school for a paralegal certification/degree. I have to decide whether or not I will be moving in January. I have to decide what I need to cut and how to catch up on my bills so that I can begin to save more earnestly for my still uncertain future. Not only this, but I have to replace my car battery, get brake pads (at least), and get the electric issue with the car fixed, not to mention the turn signal and oil change that were needed long ago. My insurance has gone up, along with how far behind I am on all of these things. To say that all of these decisions and responsibilities has dampened my usual, sunshine and rainbows filled moxie would be an understatement.

I am positively maudlin the past few days. I am making comfortable plans for old maid-ery because of our recent PMC assignment. My list is way too long. Making my list just keeps bringing up all of the old criticisms from family and frenemies regarding my eligibility to partner with anyone. I talk too much. Way too much. I will get fat if I eat this. I am getting fat. I am fat. Are you pregnant? You should dress better. You should do your hair more. Why don’t you wear makeup? You aren’t pretty enough to date me. Blah blah. It’s way too early for PMS, so I can’t blame my heightened drudgery on “that time of the month” (and my header tells exactly how I feel on the subject). It’s just such a difficult process to sift through all of my supposed undesirable characteristics on top of all of these other things, especially since as we are not to list any positives. In this light, I am going to be an old maid. That is the conclusion I’ve come to during this process. I might as well hand in my glass slipper and go on sleeping; the prince is not coming by here.

If I’m to be a successful old maid I should probably “focus on my career” and having a very successful professional life, but at the moment, that’s not happening. At the moment, as a matter of fact, I’ve just been chewed out over something I was supposed to do, found proof I did it weeks ago, then was informed that they received it but not all of it. Of course, I had to do it again. The only reason I bothered to look it up and indicate I did it was so that my boss could see that I wasn’t sitting here not looking beautiful all day, but of course since I “didn’t really send it” we are back to square one there. I can’t win for losing here. What do you want from me? Huh? I mean, really?

How can I possibly be failing at old maid-dom? Who does that? Where do they do that? I mean, the only requirements for old maid-dom are that you remain single, have a good to great career and have a cat, yet here I am 1/3 on the old maid scale. If I was that person, I’d just go home and not do the second half of today (which was Monday). But I’m too smart for that. If I cut today short, it will just be today again tomorrow, with the same nonsense waiting for me. I may as well let it all play out.

What does one do when they fail at Old Maidery?

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