Questions That Should Have Answers

It’s been a while…like, almost a year. So much has changed, yet too many things remain the same. It’s been one roller coaster of an almost year, and I wanted to make sure that I recorded it here, where my true feelings go. So here you go.

About that book that I was writing…I finished it. I revised it. I found a cover artist to make me a beautiful cover for it. I gave it to beta readers. I wrote and revised some more. I formatted it. I submitted it to CreateSpace. I got my proof in the mail. I made some corrections and resubmitted it. I published it!

Finally being able to say that you can buy  my book has been an experience. It hasn’t all been great. To be honest, the first couple of weeks I felt completely deflated. No one was buying the book. Like I literally didn’t sell one until September 28th ( I published the 15th or a little before). In the month since then, I’ve sold about 50 copies, mostly face to face. I have also put out the study guide that goes with the book. The response to the book has been overwhelmingly positive from those who have read it. I’ve struggled to get out of my comfort zone, meet new people, and attempt to sell the book beyond church members and others I know. I’ve experienced some success with this, but also some missed connections and long waits to see what will come of these connections.

I figured that I would get certain questions when I published the book about my marital status. I find that once someone starts to read the book and realizes what the book is actually about, they are less apt to ask those questions. But I have gotten the “and when is your wedding?” question more often than I can count. People are also asking MensHealth how he feels about the fact that I wrote the book. Um, what? For the love of yoga and broccoli, please read the book! The book is not about my relationship, and it’s especially not a slam to him in any way. He’s mentioned twice in the book–the acknowledgements and one sentence in a section about elders involved in a courtship. Heck, I’m not even in the book often enough for the reader to learn much about me.

But since we are on the subject of relationships here at the moment, and I do talk about my relationship here, let’s do a quick recap of what’s happened in the last year. … OK, now that we’re all caught up on that…

What? That wasn’t as informative for you as it was for me? OK, fine. Let’s see…

I’m not married or engaged or tangibly any closer to either of those things than the last time I wrote. I’m still in the no man’s land of “if” and let me just say this is not where I envisioned myself to be nearly two years after a decision one way or another was supposed to be made. I imagined that I’d be married, truly single, or preparing to enter the dating world again with a stopwatch, bible and shotgun, but definitely not nearly a seven year anniversary with no engagement in sight. Oh, we’ve had a lot of good times, informative conversations, and the like. MensHealth has been super supportive of me and the book, coming to events with me, going to network with me in Miami and paying for the trip and any number of nice things. But we haven’t moved forward. No plans to marry or move on. Just…existing. Helping each other along when we can. To be completely honest, I’ve mostly checked out of that aspect of our relationship. I’m choosing to focus on being a good friend and confidante to him while pursuing my other goals and dreams. I mean, I’ll be thirty in less than four months; no use wasting time sitting around waiting for a proposal like I’m waiting to see a doctor or dentist. I’m not about the waiting room life anymore.

That may seem harsh, but it’s true. I can’t think of anything else to do. I have tried to grow in the areas I needed to grow in for myself. I’ve addressed the areas he found problematic. There just comes a point when you get tired of trying to sell someone on you. Like, dude, I’m not a used car or short sale house; I’m a person. A person you either want to marry or don’t. I have no other discounts or incentives to offer. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to pull back after nearly seven years. I think that’s pretty generous, especially since we both agreed we’d make a decision by our five year anniversary if we were in or out. So that’s where that is.

I am still pursuing other writing things. I want to get some fiction published. I’m still aiming at a publishing contract by my 30th birthday. I entered So You Think You Can Write again. I didn’t move to the top 25, but I’m holding out hope that I will get a request for a partial or full on the story in November when they begin to contact people. Even if I don’t hear anything from them about it, I got such positive feedback about it that I know this story needs to be out there. I’ll try a couple other publishers, but if they don’t work out, I’ll try my hand at self-publishing again. I’m no longer limiting myself to one path to success.

I’ll update you on all the other things later.


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